Sleep Deprivation 101 (the first step is acceptance)

It starts like this, a little snuffle sound. Then a wee bit of stirring from the crib. This is just a precursor to the inevitable waking of the baby. After feeding and changing my daughter, she has decided that it is actually time to get up. The day is wonderful, ready and waiting…for her! I, on the other hand, actually know that 4:00am is not the ideal time to get up. 4:00am is actually the best possible time to sleep. I mean, I remember it being the best possible time to sleep. It’s been a while, maybe I’m mistaken. Is that possible? Could it now be an ideal time to be up and about? I have to admit there is an upside to that scenario. I mean I could get LOTS done before my son is up. Oh wait, there’s the downside. Going to bed by 7:00pm is going to kill that plan right…now. Dead. Now where was I? Oh yeah, 4:00am is time to sleep. It is. Don’t let yourself by fooled. Sleep deprived I may be, completely exhausted and prone to suggestion I’m approaching, but I’m not there yet.

I put her back in the crib to sleep. I know she thinks it’s time to play, but it’s not. Really. I place her on the side of the crib that’s farthest from the chair I’ve been (sadly) sleeping in for the past 3 weeks (darn you baby monitor company!). This gives me enough time to scoot over and cover myself with both sheets and my pillow. As any mother knows, if your baby makes eye contact from the crib, you must pick the baby up. It’s just the law. I can hear her as she re-orients herself to “find” me. There’s the sound again, that soft fabric rustling coming closer. I remember thinking that the sound is reminiscent of the “Jaws” theme song. I stayed quiet and covered, almost not daring to breathe. After what seemed like an eternity I no longer hear any sounds from the crib. I let my guard down and relax a bit. She’s asleep! I unbury myself from the sheets and pillow that had been disguising my presence. As I snuggle into the chair and lean my head ever so slightly to the side I notice one thing. My daughter’s eyes are watching me. She had pressed her little face up against the bars of her crib to wait. As soon as our eyes made contact that was it. I gave up the pretense of not existing and went to get my daughter out of the crib.

Sleep. How I miss it.